It was suppose to be just another ordinary afternoon at Mom and Dad's. Lazing around, doing nothing in particular and cramming my face with copious amount of sinful goodies that Mom usually lay out on the coffee table.
They (Mom and Dad) have left town for their usual romantic weekend getaway, leaving me to dog sit Stevie Baby.
So, there I was, sitting in front of the computer, staring at the same Facebook page for the last 12 hours, since it takes that long apparently to switch screens with Streamyx broadband. I never knew watching the cursor processing in its circular motion can be hypnotically fun.
I left the TV on but wasn't particularly interested to watch anything on it. It's just the thought of having the privilege of Astro over the weekend made me turn on the TV, just to make it worthwhile.
Out of the blue, Stevie Baby scrambled up from where he was laying near my feet; his ears all perked up. His tail swished back and forth, hitting my legs like a feather duster. Without further warning, he dashed out of the house like a mad dog - barking in full force, which was soon joined by the rest of the 10,000 neighbourhood dogs.
I peeked through the curtains of the living hall to see what the fuss was all about and saw two young Indian boys distributing flyers to each household. From where I was sitting, I could see the terror on their faces, while the neighborhood dogs rushed out of each household baring their canines and some foaming at the side of their mouth. Before long, I could hear gates crashing down and the medley of canine barks, ear piercing screams and the sound of rip and tear.
Geez! This is the third time I had to get the gate fixed since Stevie Baby has crashed it down! He sure is getting very strong. The screaming eventually stopped and peace was restored among our neighbourhood again.
Stevie Baby eventually ran back into the house all flustered but happy to be part of the commotion. He nonchalantly swagger himself towards the workstation and plonked right in front of me with a prize in his mouth. It looked like the jaw of one of the flyer boys. Fresh blood was still dripping from where the flesh was ripped off.
"Nice looking teeth this boy has, doesn't he?" I though to myself as I inspect Stevie Baby's prize closely.
Stevie Baby scurried to the corner of the sofa to savour his prize. Meanwhile, looking at him gnawing at the jaw, I was reminded that I haven't had breakfast. I glanced up to the wall clock and the time was almost noon.
I stretched lazily on the computer chair and shuffled my feet to the fridge to see what I could make for lunch.
Mom has about a million magnets on the fridge that we don't even remember what colour or brand the fridge was anymore. The one closest to my eye level is a framed picture of Stevie Baby, when he was just a puppy. He was gnawing on what looked like a human femur. It must have belonged to the postman many years ago. We were quite upset with Stevie Baby for what he did then, because we had to collect our mail from the main post office for the next six months, until the postal services could find another postman to service our neighborhood.
I opened the freezer and began inspecting its contents. The cold air gushed out and fogged my glasses for a few seconds. I then began scanning the contents of each package closely. It was kind of difficult to identify what mom has in the freezer with all the frost crusting around each content. I could see the outline of a crocodile's tongue. Next to it was a shapeless, frozen mass which I suspect could have been the leftover parts of a monkey's medulla oblongata. We had that for Chinese New Year recently. Wedged snugly next to it looked like the toes of an elephant's foot.
"Sweet and sour elephant sounds delicious," I thought.
But the thought of thawing the foot for the next 6 hours made me change my mind. I then saw a bright red package deeper behind the elephant's leg.
"Breaded tiger's penis! That's something easy to prepare for lunch," I though.
I immediately reached out for the package which was lodged frozen behind the elephant's foot and impala's intestines. I yanked hard at the package and suddenly, the elephant's foot came crashing down and landed on my toe!
Before I know it, blood was gushing out from my broken toe like a burst water pipe. I sat and stared at the pool of warm, sticky blood, which was filling every inch of the kitchen floor. I did felt a little light headed when my life flashed before my eyes and I saw a sudden bright light shining at the end of a tunnel. I could almost hear celestial trumpets beckoning me to come forward too.
However, my out of body experience did not last very long. Within a snap second, it felt like a vacumm cleaner that had sucked me back to my mortal body. I soon felt a ticklish tingle around my damaged toe and saw Stevie Baby now licking at the blood oozing out from it. I smiled and patted his warm fuzzy head and let him lick up the rest of the pool of blood.
I got up and proceeded to take the bright red package out from the freezer and stuffed the elephant's foot back into it's original position. I soon forgot about the painful throb on my now purple and swollen toe, and started to read the cooking instructions on the box of breaded tiger's penis. Yummy!
Writers note: This is a genuine incident that happened this afternoon, although there were some bits and pieces that was slightly exaggerated for drama and a good read. :-) Can you tell?
They (Mom and Dad) have left town for their usual romantic weekend getaway, leaving me to dog sit Stevie Baby.
So, there I was, sitting in front of the computer, staring at the same Facebook page for the last 12 hours, since it takes that long apparently to switch screens with Streamyx broadband. I never knew watching the cursor processing in its circular motion can be hypnotically fun.
I left the TV on but wasn't particularly interested to watch anything on it. It's just the thought of having the privilege of Astro over the weekend made me turn on the TV, just to make it worthwhile.
Out of the blue, Stevie Baby scrambled up from where he was laying near my feet; his ears all perked up. His tail swished back and forth, hitting my legs like a feather duster. Without further warning, he dashed out of the house like a mad dog - barking in full force, which was soon joined by the rest of the 10,000 neighbourhood dogs.
I peeked through the curtains of the living hall to see what the fuss was all about and saw two young Indian boys distributing flyers to each household. From where I was sitting, I could see the terror on their faces, while the neighborhood dogs rushed out of each household baring their canines and some foaming at the side of their mouth. Before long, I could hear gates crashing down and the medley of canine barks, ear piercing screams and the sound of rip and tear.
Geez! This is the third time I had to get the gate fixed since Stevie Baby has crashed it down! He sure is getting very strong. The screaming eventually stopped and peace was restored among our neighbourhood again.
Stevie Baby eventually ran back into the house all flustered but happy to be part of the commotion. He nonchalantly swagger himself towards the workstation and plonked right in front of me with a prize in his mouth. It looked like the jaw of one of the flyer boys. Fresh blood was still dripping from where the flesh was ripped off.
"Nice looking teeth this boy has, doesn't he?" I though to myself as I inspect Stevie Baby's prize closely.
Stevie Baby scurried to the corner of the sofa to savour his prize. Meanwhile, looking at him gnawing at the jaw, I was reminded that I haven't had breakfast. I glanced up to the wall clock and the time was almost noon.
I stretched lazily on the computer chair and shuffled my feet to the fridge to see what I could make for lunch.
Mom has about a million magnets on the fridge that we don't even remember what colour or brand the fridge was anymore. The one closest to my eye level is a framed picture of Stevie Baby, when he was just a puppy. He was gnawing on what looked like a human femur. It must have belonged to the postman many years ago. We were quite upset with Stevie Baby for what he did then, because we had to collect our mail from the main post office for the next six months, until the postal services could find another postman to service our neighborhood.
I opened the freezer and began inspecting its contents. The cold air gushed out and fogged my glasses for a few seconds. I then began scanning the contents of each package closely. It was kind of difficult to identify what mom has in the freezer with all the frost crusting around each content. I could see the outline of a crocodile's tongue. Next to it was a shapeless, frozen mass which I suspect could have been the leftover parts of a monkey's medulla oblongata. We had that for Chinese New Year recently. Wedged snugly next to it looked like the toes of an elephant's foot.
"Sweet and sour elephant sounds delicious," I thought.
But the thought of thawing the foot for the next 6 hours made me change my mind. I then saw a bright red package deeper behind the elephant's leg.
"Breaded tiger's penis! That's something easy to prepare for lunch," I though.
I immediately reached out for the package which was lodged frozen behind the elephant's foot and impala's intestines. I yanked hard at the package and suddenly, the elephant's foot came crashing down and landed on my toe!
Before I know it, blood was gushing out from my broken toe like a burst water pipe. I sat and stared at the pool of warm, sticky blood, which was filling every inch of the kitchen floor. I did felt a little light headed when my life flashed before my eyes and I saw a sudden bright light shining at the end of a tunnel. I could almost hear celestial trumpets beckoning me to come forward too.
However, my out of body experience did not last very long. Within a snap second, it felt like a vacumm cleaner that had sucked me back to my mortal body. I soon felt a ticklish tingle around my damaged toe and saw Stevie Baby now licking at the blood oozing out from it. I smiled and patted his warm fuzzy head and let him lick up the rest of the pool of blood.
I got up and proceeded to take the bright red package out from the freezer and stuffed the elephant's foot back into it's original position. I soon forgot about the painful throb on my now purple and swollen toe, and started to read the cooking instructions on the box of breaded tiger's penis. Yummy!
Writers note: This is a genuine incident that happened this afternoon, although there were some bits and pieces that was slightly exaggerated for drama and a good read. :-) Can you tell?
4 comments:
As far as the food goes, stop picking on the white folk! ;^)
BTW, ignore the FB comment, I read that first.
Mena: You mean you don't believe thats what we eat daily? Geez! Have a little faith! ;-P
nothing deep fried? ;P
Mena: It's more like put it in your mouth and start chewing. ROTFLMAO!!!
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