Satu Sen For My Thoughts

Last night I gaze up again towards the sky. There it was, the same bright star that I wished upon on New Years eve, albeit from a different apartment balcony and atmosphere. This time, there were no laughter, alcohol or party revellers making out in the guest room. It was just me. The silence was deafening, for I could hear my mind thinking aloud, almost shouting . My breathing and heart beat completed the ensemble like a set of percussion in a dysfunctional band. So much has happened lately and I needed time to segregate all these events in their separate folders. Oh my God! Even Microsoft has taken over my mind as well! Will there ever be a cure to this insanity?

Yes, I wished upon this same bright star on the last day of the year. I wished for many things, as usual. But I wished for one particular thing a little more than the other long list of things. Surprisingly, this was the thing that eventually came through. Now that I've got it, why am I afraid to embrace it? I lit another cigarette and watched the smoke rose and swirl in a lazy dance from the bright amber tip. An occasional crack and pop from the burning cloves in the cigarette could be heard as I took a drag from it. It's sweet taste lingered on my lips after each drag. My mind swirled for a while with the dancing smoke as I daydreamed of another perfect arrangement for my living room.

Before long, my mind arrived back to the same thought I had before. My wish. Could this be right? Could this be real? It made me happy, yet I am afraid. It made me laugh yet I had many questions that needed answers. What if I decided to embrace it and it breaks me like a glass shattering to a thousand tiny shards? Yet, only months ago, I told myself that I will not allow this feeling to overcome me. And here I am, going through the same cycle all over again. Am I falling in............. ????