Serigala jadian

Seandainya, dunia kini telah berubah sungguh. Manusia sekarang lebih berwatakkan binatang dari binatang itu sendiri. Apakah yang telah mengganggu emosi aku sehingga membuahkan kata kata yang mungkin menyinggung perasaan itu? Perasaan marah berbaur benci yang sedikit ada itu timbul kerana orang yang telah dianggap sebagai kawan baik tersebut sebenarnya hanya bertopeng muka baik. Rupa rupanya, manusia yang berhati syaitan telah menyelinap masuk dalam hidupku semata mata untuk mengharapkan habuan dari hasil titik peluh kerjaya aku.

Serigala jadian! Teramat sesuai nama itu aku beri pada kamu! Manusia yang tak guna! Susah susah aku kehulu ke hilir mencari sesuap nasi, senang senang engkau duduk dalam ofis berhawa dingin sambil bergoyang kaki yang bersepatu branded palsu kamu itu nak menyergah aku mintak duit? Sedangkan kamu yang leka beromong omong Pak Pandir itu langsung tidak tau selok belok dalam bisnes aku. Tapi bila terdengar sahaja gara gara yang ada project datang pada tangan aku, kamu meroyang macam perempuan kehilangan laki. Memang engkau tak tau malu! Apakah yang kamu tahu pasal project aku, melainkan nama dan tempat tersebut? Kamu fikir kamu layak dijadikan rakan biznes aku sedangkan kamu ukur pakai pembaris pun boleh salah? Keparat sangat perangai kamu itu!!!

Sememangnya, simpulan friends come and go itu amat releven, terutamanya antara golongan penghuni KL ini yang sanggup melakukan apa sahaja untuk mengejar impian dunia, selain daripada berkerja keras. Sekali imbas, terasa mereka macam burung gagak yang hinggap menjamah bangkai tepi jalan pun ada. Apakah kamu lemah dengan daya tarikan jenama terkenal satu Pavillion itu sampai kamu papa kedana? Sebab itu kamu ingin mengikis dari hasil titik peluh aku kan? Kamu menyatakan yang kamu perlu langsingkan hutang kamu yang bertimbun. Itu hal engkaulah!

Bodoh dan tersangat dungu aku merasa pemikiran engkau. Masakan engkau ingatkan aku bila engkau berduit melancong satu Asia Tenggara tahun tahun yang lalu? Ada kamu fikir pasal aku masa aku susah? Satu email pun engkau tak hantar tanya khabar, ini lagilah telefon. Tetiba kamu muncul balik dalam circle aku kononnya nak berbaik baik? Aku dah dapat cium bahang najis kamu itu sejak kamu muncul dengan kerap sekali dalam setiap majlis yang aku hadir. Memang benar tanggapan aku yang kamu itu memang dasar suka kikis! Nasib baik Meen mengacukan warning dekat aku pasal apa yang kamu cuba buat dek tanah arwah bapak dia. Aku nak jadi mulut tempayan! Aku nak beritahu satu dunia betapa tamak haloba kelakuan kamu sehingga rakan taulan kamu sanggup gadaikan semata wang ringgit! Tunggulah engkau!

Shit

I swear the Big Guy up there is having a ball of a time making fun of me again! This is possibly the craziest day yet in my life. I've 2 deal that went though under my nose because the seller misinformed me on a few crucial details. What bummer! Nothing stresses me out more than having the carpet pulled right under your feet and having to fall flat on your butt. More so after putting so much effort into this damn deal too!! I need to lie down. Where are those damn cigarettes when you need them???

Satu Sen For My Thoughts

Last night I gaze up again towards the sky. There it was, the same bright star that I wished upon on New Years eve, albeit from a different apartment balcony and atmosphere. This time, there were no laughter, alcohol or party revellers making out in the guest room. It was just me. The silence was deafening, for I could hear my mind thinking aloud, almost shouting . My breathing and heart beat completed the ensemble like a set of percussion in a dysfunctional band. So much has happened lately and I needed time to segregate all these events in their separate folders. Oh my God! Even Microsoft has taken over my mind as well! Will there ever be a cure to this insanity?

Yes, I wished upon this same bright star on the last day of the year. I wished for many things, as usual. But I wished for one particular thing a little more than the other long list of things. Surprisingly, this was the thing that eventually came through. Now that I've got it, why am I afraid to embrace it? I lit another cigarette and watched the smoke rose and swirl in a lazy dance from the bright amber tip. An occasional crack and pop from the burning cloves in the cigarette could be heard as I took a drag from it. It's sweet taste lingered on my lips after each drag. My mind swirled for a while with the dancing smoke as I daydreamed of another perfect arrangement for my living room.

Before long, my mind arrived back to the same thought I had before. My wish. Could this be right? Could this be real? It made me happy, yet I am afraid. It made me laugh yet I had many questions that needed answers. What if I decided to embrace it and it breaks me like a glass shattering to a thousand tiny shards? Yet, only months ago, I told myself that I will not allow this feeling to overcome me. And here I am, going through the same cycle all over again. Am I falling in............. ????

A matter of choice

Thanks to the wonder of Facebook, we are all some what connected in one way or another. I've recently been reacquainted with a class mate. A class mate from primary school, to be exact. We we were really close. We sat next to each other year after year, shared the same love for the arts and non conformity to society's social order. Heck, we even share the same last name! Of course, after years of living abroad, him in the UK while I was shipped to a small town in the Midwest, USA, we naturally went our separate ways. Since there was no Facebook at that time, our letter writing skills dwindled from being weekly affairs to monthly affairs. Soon enough, it trickled down to the ocassional annual Christmas card greetings.

So, yes! Facebook connected us again and I was ecstatic to have found this dear old friend again, so I thought. The day we met, I was somewhat surprised and needless to say a little disappointed with the person that was sitting in front of me. Why you may ask? I had envisioned him to still be this foul mouthed, witty, charismatic and energetic person I knew. Instead, there was this person sitting in front of me droning away, talking about how he needs to get married and how he can't disappoint his parents by needing to get married before the year ends.

He then asked me whether I was married or not? I said no. I then continued to say that I live alone now that I've bought my own place. His face showed a look of horror and said that I was such a horrid son to have abandoned my parents.

"What was going through this poor guy's head?" I thought.

I told him that I did not abandon my parents. I just grew up and needed my own space. After all, I still see them every week. If there were any consolation, I think my parents kinda felt relieved that I moved out.

He then went on to tell me how important it is to get married and have children. Basically his message to me was that I need to conform to social orders. After all, I am in my 30's, he added. Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against marriage or having children but to do all that in order for society to accept you is just plain bullshit! By now, I so wanted to reach across the table and strangle his neck while yelling, "who are you and what have you done to my friend"?

I guess there is two things I've learned from this episode. One, never expect a person to be the same as he or she has been before, especially after a long break since you last met. Second, society's need to conform is more powerful than I've thought. After all it has devoured my friend's free spirit to think that having a white picket fenced home Ala Brady Bunch is the best thing since the invention of white bread. As for me, I am extremely comfortable at where I am. The occasional living on the edge and dangerous liaisons do keep my life interesting. I did sense some jealousy in the eyes of my friend when I spoke of my annual trips and adventures. I guess its a matter of choice. I don't think I'll be attending his wedding dinner if it happens this year end. I might stick out too much like a sore thumb from everyone else, since I don't always conform to social orders. Now, we all don't want that to happen, do we? Or I might just go to Egypt, now that's another story....